How to Know a Person
by David Brooks
Presented by: Pat Whitty
How to Know a Person by David Brooks is a practical and heartfelt exploration of one of the most essential — and most neglected — human skills: the ability to truly see and understand another person. Brooks argues that our capacity to connect with others is in crisis, and that this deficit underlies broader social problems including political polarization, mental health struggles, and an epidemic of loneliness.
At the heart of the book is a deceptively simple premise: there is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community, or society — the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen, valued, heard, and understood. And yet all around us are people who feel invisible and misunderstood.
To address this, Brooks distinguishes between two types of people: “diminishers,” who make others feel unseen or reduced, and “illuminators,” who see people in all their fullness. Becoming an illuminator, he argues, is not a personality trait but a learnable craft — one built through intentional habits of attention, curiosity, and conversation.
A central theme is the power of asking better questions. Brooks has “come to think of questioning as a moral practice,” and he offers concrete guidance on how to invite people into meaningful dialogue rather than superficial exchange. He also recommends active listening techniques — paraphrasing, maintaining eye contact, and using nonverbal cues — to signal genuine engagement and help others feel comfortable sharing their perspectives.
Brooks draws on psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, and personal experience throughout, including a candid account of supporting a close friend through severe depression. Through that experience, he learned that supporting someone in pain doesn’t mean trying to fix or cheer them up — it means acknowledging the reality of their situation and staying present, making clear you haven’t given up on them.
The act of seeing another person, Brooks ultimately argues, is profoundly creative — and when we look at someone with genuine attention, we not only see something larger in them, but something larger in ourselves. The book is a compelling reminder that deep human connection is both an art and a discipline, and one very much worth cultivating.
WHEN:
Wednesday, July 15, 2026
Meet and Greet: 5:30 PM – 5:45 PM (US Central Time)
Presentation: 5:45 PM – 7:00 PM (US Central Time)
Meet Life Long Learners and Open Discussion:
7:00 PM – 7:30 PM (US Central Time)
WHERE (either):
In Person
CHRISTUS Heritage Hall, The Village at Incarnate Word
Braodway at Burr Road
San Antonio, TX 78209
or VIA ZOOM
Presentation:
5:45 PM – 7:00 PM (US Central Time)
**You must register to receive the Zoom Link**
You do not need to have read the book to attend the event.
If you would like to invite other colleagues to join this conference, have them visit the website at www.ExecutiveBookReview.com to find out more about this and future events.